cuatro.

So it's been a few days since I've updated. Sue me.

Actually don't. Well, you can if you want but you wouldn't win anything. Dirty laundry maybe?

We have been at Nana's house for a few days so Patrick can put a new roof up on their house. He is so handy. Seriously. And such a hard worker. Emmaline and I are lucky to have him.

In the few days we've been here, I can already see how much Emmaline has changed. It's borderline ridiculous how much she changes in a day. I mean, it's to the point where I can notice her changing from the night before. Crazy.

Her head is getting bigger. Her thighs are filling out (new folds!). She holds her head up perfectly. She is recognizing that being placed in her bouncer = more time until she is fed because Mommy still has to go make the bottle. And this very much makes her an angry baby. And more and more, I see that she is understanding what's going on around her.

Yesterday as I was sitting in Papa Mark's big recliner rocking the baby, she just stared at me. And I mean, she is a nosey little thing. She has been staring at us since she was born. But this was different. It was like she was actually taking in my face. She was following the frame of my face, looking at all the pieces, grasping that this is Mommy. This belongs to her.

Then she reached up and grabbed my chin. I don't know what makes me believe this, because it's not like this is the first time she's touched me. But I just know she was making the connection between what she was seeing and what she was feeling. She rubbed my lips, touched my nose and I proceeded to melt.

Emmaline is four months old today and at the risk of sounding like a big cliched doofus, I can't grasp that. She has been with us 122 days. But of course, I can't remember a moment in my life before she was here. I think being a Mommy means your children were always a part of you.

changes.

Along with the arrival of a newborn also comes the barrage of cliches.

"Time flies so quickly."

"You've never known love until now."

"Say goodbye to sleep."

And they're tried-and-true cliches because they are so true. You can't help but take note and do your best to forewarn new parents.

And the cliche I am feeling strongly today, and have been for the past few days, is the one that says how much a baby changes you. I am not the same Naomi I was a year ago. I am not even the same Naomi I was 4 months ago. Yes, we change because of all the obvious reasons: you get huge and then small again, one day it's just you and your love and then the next you have an extra small human with you, your boobs now produce a beverage, etc.

But it affects a very real and internal part of your mind, of you.

I don't speed anymore. Ever. I just can't. I had a very impressive and extensive collection of speeding tickets before I even turned 20. Granted, I haven't gotten one since then, but I would assert that it's extremely highly unlikely (especially if that sweet baby is in the car with me) that I will be getting one any time soon.

I don't tan. If you knew me when I was pregnant, you may remember my dilemma with trying to find out if sunless tanning was safe to do while pregnant. I was fat. I was sickly. I was pale. I wanted to do something to feel pretty again. I couldn't wait until I had her and could go tanning again. Fast forward to now, the summer for Pete's sake, where I have time and the ability to tan at a salon or our pool which is no more than 30 yards away from my front door - and I don't. I am horrified of tanning now. I want to be as healthy I can possibly be and tanning just isn't important enough or worth it to me.

Of course these are just dumb little examples but they are jut a glimpse of what goes through my head nowadays, now that I am a Mommy.

Somehow, for some reason, God chose me (me!) to receive this blessing of Emmaline. And I am going to take care of the sweet gift, and myself, because it's important to me. She's important to me.