break.

Well it's nearly midnight in the middle of my last Spring Break as a college student (hopefully!). And while I'm not participating in any wet t-shirt contests, letting strange males drink liquor from my navel or flashing strangers for "Girls Gone Wild!" I am enjoying the break nonetheless. Crazy, huh? :)

I am trying to get caught up, or ahead I suppose, on my schoolwork but Emmaline and her newfound talent of climbing are not really letting me do too much of that. It's ok though. I am doing a little here and there. My Dad has been awesome and came a couple hours on Tuesday even though he technically wasn't needed at all so I could go to the library and study . I have to take my Praxis on Saturday and I am so nervous. He's coming again tomorrow so I can study ALL day and I need it! I studied the PLT part (teacher stuff) on Tuesday so I will review a little of that but I mostly want to focus on the history part tomorrow. The history Praxis exam covers everything from the the beginning of time up to now so there is a lot to study!

Other than that, my grades in class seem to be ok. I have only made one B so far (the rest all A's) and from what I could see of everyone else's papers, I think I was pretty lucky to get that. He seemed so easygoing the whole semester and then we had this paper and it was like BAM! evil professor. I know I shouldn't be complacent but I will still be happy if I pull out a B in that class. I would love to have all A's but it's English and I have never had an issue getting A's on papers and if he wasn't satisfied then I really don't know what more I could have done. I did all the readings I was supposed to do, have been to every single class on time, contribute to the class discussions and wrote a standard Naomi paper. So, I am trying to be reasonable here and accept that I will probably not be able to please him. Although, I do think I scored brownie points in the last class meeting because I knew what a comma splice was and what the past participle of "lie" is (it's "lain").

But life is going well. I am so enjoying being married. I love the security of knowing Patrick is ours forever. I always believed and trusted him before but there is something about going through the whole ceremony that just makes it official; it was the everlasting icing on our lifetime cake :) I am still tickled to call him "my husband." And he really is the best husband and Daddy. I don't know how or why I got so blessed. I really don't. I pray my sisters and Emmaline wait until a man like Patrick comes along and finds them because they deserve nothing less than the love, joy, security, comfort and peace a relationship like this can bring.

Well, I need to get back to homework. It's late but I am not ready for bed yet. I am such a party animal...

day 16.

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

This little girl right here!

I have never worked so hard in my life to accomplish what I need to do. I bust my butt every day to get done what I need to.

I am up by 7 or 8a every morning to take care of Em and get ready for the day. The rest of the day is either spent in school or cleaning house and taking care of my girl.

Then it's time to feed Em and make dinner for Patrick and me. And once everyone is clean, fed, and in bed then I stay up for a few hours and do my schoolwork. I never go to bed before 10p. Most nights I am up until midnight. Some nights I am up until 3a.

Then I am up the next morning doing it again.

This semester I am taking 18 hours and I have never been more prepared, more on top of my game, or more focused. And in 288 days I will finally be graduating. I completely credit my sweet Emmaline.

phone.

My little girl is all grown up. tear...

But no really! She's getting so big and so smart and so beautiful by the minute! She cut her right middle top tooth today and I think the left one will cut tomorrow! Patrick gave her a spoon tonight with baby food on and turned it around for her and she put it in her mouth all by herself! She did this about 3 or 4 times! We were so amazed! haha Also, when I was playing with her and hiding my phone, she knew exactly where to go and get it. She completely understands that just because she can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist anymore! That's a huge milestone for infants!

Alright y'all, I'm gonna share a video with you but you have to promise not call CPS on me. Deal? hehe

yay!

We're still working on MaMa (come on!) but she can say DaDa and Yay! She claps her little hands when she says Yay too. Come on, you know that's adorable!

Every morning she wakes up around 7-ish and has an 8 oz. bottle and a diaper change. Then I put her into her swing and she usually falls asleep immediately for another hour or two. Some mornings though, she'll stay up for a minute and play. She usually ends up yelling "DA...DA" over and over. It makes me laugh because he's long gone to work by that point and I'm like, "Girl, who just got your cute lil butt out of bed, made your bottle, fed you, changed you and laid you back down? It wasn't DaDa! Say MAMA!" haha. But it'll come in time. I just have to be patient...

Here's Mommy's Girl playing on the floor practicing her vocabulary and eating snackies!

finally.

Well, it has been a while since I have gotten around to writing on here. I completely bailed on that 30-Day Challenge. Turns out the topics were horrifically boring to write about. Anyway, I am back and ready to entertain the masses. I totally kind of got this idea from my sweet friend, Sarah, and have been mulling over it for a few days.

Hope she doesn't mind the plug. She may be inundated with visitors since I am known for my high traffic. hehe. jk.

Anyway, it is so funny how when we first bring home these babies we look at them and think, "Ok, now what?!" We have read, and researched, and googled, and prayed, and interviewed, and practiced, and just about everything a future parent thinks of to prepare for their baby. And then it comes. And you're scared to death! Well, at least I was anyway.

I remember being terrified she wasn't eating enough. Then scared she wasn't warm enough. Then worried about taking her out all by myself. And on and on and on. Now I am a pro at all of those things. I am an expert.*

*Disclaimer: Expert at being a Mom to 7 1/2 month old Emmaline.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and my baby is completely different from yours and from any future ones I may have. However, I decided to gather up some of my "vast" knowledge from the past 7 months because 1] I really do feel like I have come so far, 2] I always LOVE getting feedback from my other Mommy friends and 3] things are so amazing right now, this is almost my cheesy "Thanks"giving blog. Almost...

The "Good's" in my life

Good Tips, Good Equipment, etc

• Mommy Friends: Seriously. Out of nowhere, a bunch of us got pregnant around the same time and it was such a blessing to have other women to bounce ideas off of. They were amazing for support, ideas, advice, laughter, and just to talk to! I have gone out with some Mommy friends and trust me, no one understands the trials and tribulations of traveling with an infant like another Mommy :) I love looking at pictures of their babies and hearing about their milestones. We share tips on sales on diapers and baby food. Another thing I like is that as many of us as there are, we all raise our babies different too and we all respect that. No one judges. We don't go off if someone isn't breastfeeding or if someone uses a paci or goes back to work or wants to make their own baby food. We share our stories and discuss the pros and cons and it really is great. I love my Mommy friends!
• BabyLegs: One of my favorite finds for Emmaline. I love putting these on her when she's playing around the house. Pop on a onesie and a cute pair of leg warmers and you're good to go! Baby stays warm, no rug burns, and it makes diaper changes easy too!
• Tommee Tippee: Best bottles! Emmaline was so picky when it came to her bottles. She got used to the special needs feeder they gave her at the hospital and then once she outgrew 45 oz. we had to go scrambling for something she would drink out of. We found these and love them! And now we are working on using their sippee cups too. I hope she likes them!
• BabySteals.com: Such a fun way to save some money! Twice a day - at 10a and 10p central, they have one different product available for a "steal" usually at least 50% off. They are usually also luxury items made of high quality material. Ooohlala. It's fun waiting to see every day what the steal-of-the-day is going to be. I haven't bought but one or two things off of there mostly because Emmaline doesn't really need much but they have incredibly fast shipping. It's from Utah and I think it only took a day!
• Dr. Derek Johnson: We love our pediatrician. We didn't go about picking him out the "right" way. I know you're supposed to research and ask friends and interview potential doctors. But Emmaline came almost 5 1/2 weeks early so I wasn't really to that point yet. He was the pediatrician on staff at the hospital the morning she was born so I just found his office when we were discharged and made an appointment. When Patrick and I went to see him, we both knew he was "the one." haha. He was this huge black guy and picked up our tiny 5 lb baby and cooed at her and played with her like no one was looking. It was adorable. He was straightforward. He didn't beat around the bush at all. He made fun of my list of questions. What sealed the deal? He knew what Patrick's Triumph shirt meant (It's a motorcycle company) because he rides too. Patrick probably wanted to date him. Basically, we felt so comfortable with him. Also, his nurses are GREAT! They are so wonderful with Emmaline. They make the whole shots thing as quick and painless as it can possible be and they have the best attitudes!
• Swing: Eeeek, Emmaline sleeps like a champ at night in her crib but she will not nap during the day unless she is napping with Mamma on the couch or in her swing! So thank goodness her Granny and Miyagi got this for her!
• Pictures: I won't even attempt to find a page for my camera because it's so ancient but it gets the job done. I am trying to remember to take a million pictures because you have to admit, she's awfully cute. I like to try and capture everything. I might try too hard. But I just know we're going to forget all these little things, and perhaps even some of the big things too, and that makes me so sad. I want to remember how very happy we all were right now and how beautiful and perfect she always is.
• Reading/Talking: I try to read to Emmaline as much as I can but I know I could be better about it. We signed her up for the Dolly Parton Imagination Library so Emmaline gets a free book every month until she turns 5. How amazing is that? Every parent in TN needs to do this for their baby! Anyway, I know she loves when her Daddy reads to her because of his deep voice. She's always loved it - even when she was in my belly still. But I also talk to her all day long, constantly. I know this is good for her because we've talked about it in some of my education classes. It just helps the child understand language as a whole better: rhythm, inflection, facial expressions, etc. And if you've been around her, you know she loves to yak!
• Friends: We have a great group of friends. They have supported Patrick and me throughout this whole pregnancy and if they every judged us or were disappointed, they never let it show. They never lectured us or turned their backs on us. They love Emmaline to pieces and shower her with attention. Whenever someone comes over, I think Patrick and I barely get a hi before they're down on the floor playing with her. This means so much to me. When you love my baby and show my baby affection, you are loving me. My friends give me "adult time" (though I sometimes question how much more mature they are than Emmaline, haha) when I am only around a baby for so long. My best friend, Emily, makes me feel like a queen. I can't explain it. She just loves me so much. And Jane and Meredith are such cute little girly-girls. Love them!
• Patrick: Probably the most important thing on this earth right now in helping me get through every day. Where do I even begin? Every woman needs their own version of a Patrick. Every wife needs one. Every Mom needs one. I couldn't even imagine going at this alone. Yeah, sometimes he gets lazy and sometimes he walks by wrappers on the floor and doesn't pick them and he always (probably 'til the day he dies) leaves his black socks balled up next to bed... where was I going? Oh right. But honestly, I could not ask for a better man. He is the best father to Emmaline. He adores her. And she loves him. When she sees him coming in for a kiss, she just starts smiling so big. He gets excited when she learns new things. He likes seeing her in a new big girl outfit. He actually cares. I see these girls on 16 & Pregnant and I think, "How on earth do you do it?" There is no way. I need him. I do. He helps with the dishes. He helps fold laundry. Every Tuesday and Thursday while I am at school, he watches Emmaline until 4:30p completely by himself. If it weren't for him, I would have had to have dropped out of school but he is making sure I get to finish. Love him!

I think there is more I wanted to say but I am suddenly exhausted and tomorrow is going to bed a long day that starts early! Cannot wait to see my family! Happy gobble-gobble day.

day 2

Where I would Like to be in 10 Years

Hmm. Graduated? That would be nice. Hopefully that will have happened and I will be working, successfully and happily, as a high school history teacher somewhere here in Tennessee. Maybe Williamson County? Hey, a girl can dream, right?

I will be the Mommy of a 10-year old Emmaline (WHAT?!) which absolutely blows my mind. I wonder what kind of little girl she is going to be. I can't wait to discover her little personality - all her likes, dislikes, fears, dreams... And we will hopefully have more children by then, too. And maybe we will finally get a little boy on the Womac side!

I hope that Patrick has gotten his law degree (if that's still what he wants to do by then) and he is working, successfully and happily, in some law firm. I hope he's making enough money that we don't have to worry and stress about money but not so much that it becomes too important.

I hope we have a house. I want Emmaline and any future Womac babies to have a yard and a swing set and sidewalks to ride their bikes. I want them to have their own little rooms that we decorate together.

I hope we are a happy family. I hope we are busy (ballet, soccer, homework, church, t-ball, piano, etc!) but organized. I hope we laugh a lot and love even more. I hope we always make time to play with our babies. I hope Patrick and I still have our date nights and hold hands.

I hope I am better at sewing and that my kids let me do crafts with them. I hope they won't be embarrassed if Mom wants to make their Halloween costumes because I really can't see myself forking over $35 for a cheap nylon costume that will only be used one night.

I hope we are active and involved in a church. I hope they have something for all of us - a good child's department, nursery, and adult Bible study classes. Maybe they will even have little activities we can bring the kids to like movie or park outings. I so look forward to my babies coming home with their glittery messes that they made for us in Sunday School.

But more than anything else, I hope we are a family still. I hope that I have done the best I can to raise good, honest, happy children. I hope that I have done everything I can to be faithful to Patrick and serve him as a wife as best I can. I just hope there is a lot of laughing and cuddling because I could never get tired of that.

big.

My baby is growing and it's... good, I guess. Good in that she is learning and developing and becoming a smart little girl. But bad because it makes me a little sad to know my little baby is fading.

We took Emmaline to the park because I've been dying to get her into a swing. Patrick really dragged his feet about the whole thing because he (and I quote) "doesn't like parks." Who doesn't like parks? haha. Anyway, I talked him into it and we ended up having a really great time. The park is on the site of an old Union fort from the Civil War so in addition to the playground (and lots of other nice amenities, I might add) they have some awesome trails through the woods with signs and artifacts from the war. Um, yes! Patrick and I took Em in her stroller for a long, brisk walk and it was so much fun. Sweet baby even fell asleep during her ride.

Anyway, I got some video of Em in her first swing ride! She wasn't so sure at first but then she kinda warmed up to it.

laughs.

Seriously, melt my heart. We have no idea what was making her giggle so hard but it was the cutest thing in the world. She had us both cracking up.

delivery.

So my IV had been started and I was receiving Pitocin to get the contractions moving to speed up the labor. Once your water has broken, labor really needs to move along and you should have the baby within 24 hours for safety. Towards the end of your pregnancy, your OB will perform a strep test in the office to see if you are negative or positive. It doesn't hurt the Mom to be positive but it can harm your newborn during birth so if they find out you are positive, they know to give you some antibiotics during labor later on. Problem was, I only had my test done the day before at my doctor's office and they didn't know the results so I was going to have to be given the antibiotic anyway to be safe. I was fine with that but man did it hurt! I could feel the medicine going through my hand and up my arm.

By this time, the phone calls had been made. My Dad and Patrick's parents were going to come in the morning once they had gotten some sleep. These things can take a lot of time and there was no sense in having everyone rush out in the middle of the night. My brother had been planning on coming to see me and Patrick the following day already for a huge wing festival at my school. $8 to charity and you got a field of all-you-can-eat wings. I guess we wouldn't be going after all; so much for the 4 tickets we'd already bought! Patrick and I had joked that as long as she waited until after the wings, we would be fine with whatever day she ended up coming. We called him to let him know I was in labor but he kindly informed us that he would have to wait until the morning to come see us. Seems he had a few drinks he needed to sleep off. Boys...

Next on the list was to let my best friend, Emily, know what was happening. She has been my friend since 5th grade and I love her and her whole family dearly. She actually scanned me in December and that's how we found out I was having a girl. It was such a special moment having someone who loves me and my little family so much telling us that important news!

"Text Emily! I know it's late but I am sure she's still up. I don't think she'd be mad if we woke her up anyway..." I ordered Patrick. He texted her to let her know what was happening and she immediately responded. Before he could even type out an answer to her, she called. Guess he was too slow for her! Just as I had suspected, she was still up. She offered to come out but I didn't want her trekking all the way out there in the middle of the night just to sit there but she let us know it was no problem; all she was doing was making barbeque sauce anyway. Gotta love her!

I had Patrick e-mail my professors to let them know I was having my baby. We still had three weeks left of classes and then finals! Obviously, I was infinitely more concerned with what was happening in that room but I'd be lying if I said finishing school wasn't ever on my mind at any point.

By now, my Mom and sisters had arrived. My 16-year old sister who had just gotten her license the day before had driven them all there. Why would my Mom let my newly licensed sister drive them all an hour and half, in the middle of the night, you ask? Because my mother had taken her sleeping medicine right before I called her about my water breaking. It was seriously like a movie. They had rolled a cot in for Patrick to attempt to sleep some that night but the poor guy had to share it with my Mom and two sisters. Yes, four people were crammed on a twin sized, roll in, fold up, hospital issued cot. Emily sat beside my bed in a chair and read and handed me ice chips and chap stick whenever I needed them.

The Pitocin was definitely working by this point. I would be talking to someone and just have to take a small break, breathe, and it would be fine. They started to get more and more powerful and painful. I looked up at the monitor. The line measuring the strength of my contractions was barely rising. I couldn't believe it. I mean, they really hurt and they were barely a blip on the screen. The nurse came in to check on me and noticed that my monitoring contraption had slipped off. As soon as she readjusted it, the screen started showing those glorious mountains of contraction strength. Whew... I wasn't as big of a wimp as I thought I was!

I had already decided I wanted an epidural as soon as it was deemed safe. I am no hero. I know it's a very personal choice that a lot of women put much thought into. But for me and my delivery, an epidural is the way I wanted to go. About the time the contractions started getting pretty powerful, my nurse came in to let me know I was far enough along to get my epidural. I felt I could handle the contractions for a little while longer, though. I didn't really know what to do. They weren't excruciating by any means but I also didn't think it made much sense to feel any pain at all if I was able to get medicine to alleviate it. I decided to wait it out a little while longer.

I am not sure how much time passed, maybe an hour, maybe longer. But I sent Patrick to let the nurse know I was ready. I was so nervous about the epidural but by this point I was getting pretty uncomfortable. The anesthesiologist came in and read me the list of everything that could go wrong: stroke, paralysis, death. I scribbled my signature. I was willing to take the chance. He made me feel better, however, by saying he had been doing this a long time and none of those things had ever happened. As he rolled in his cart and began to set things up, I was in much more pain. The nurse came in and walked me through everything that was going on. Patrick held my hand. I had to sit up (ouch!), hold still (more ouch!), and relax as he poked, prodded and paralyze me from the waist down. That was probably the hardest part - trying to hold still as I was simultaneously going through a contraction and being shot in the back with medicine.

After my epidural, the labor was much calmer. I settled back and tried to rest. They dimmed the lights and everyone fell asleep. It was weird to me as I sat there how peaceful everything was. Was I really about to have this baby? The sereneness of that early morning combined with the fact that she wasn't technically supposed to be here for over another month made me feel like this wasn't really happening. Wasn't I supposed to be screaming and crying and sweating and cursing? I felt fine. I felt good.

The nurse came in and measured me. I was progressing very quickly. We called my Dad to let him know he needed to come now. Before I knew it, he was in the room sitting beside my bed. Everyone else was asleep and it was just me and my Daddy talking quietly in that dim room. I don't remember what we talked about really but I remember thinking how happy I was he stayed awake with me.

I noticed my left side was regaining more feeling and I could completely feel my left leg at this point. I had Patrick go get the nurse so I could see what needed to happen. More medicine perhaps? She came in and told me to try and roll towards my left side as the epidural works with gravity. If that didn't work, she would get me some more medicine. While she was there, she decided to go ahead and measure me. My Dad left and everyone else just averted their eyes. They were fast asleep anyway. Much to my surprise, she let me know the baby was ready to come! I couldn't believe it. I was already at 10 cm and she could feel Emmaline's hair. This was it! No time for more medicine!

Immediately I got scared. Now? Now?! She's coming NOW?! But I wasn't prepared! We didn't have a pediatrician picked out yet. Her nursery wasn't finished! We hadn't had our baby shower! And Patrick and I weren't supposed to start our birthing classes until that following Monday!

Again, Patrick allayed all my fears. He held me. He soothed me. He said everything I needed to hear. I could tell he was excited. For the delivery, we wanted it to be just me and Patrick so my family and Emily gathered all their things and headed out to the waiting room.

While we were waiting for the nurse, I realized I could feel Emmaline. The epidural was definitely wearing off and I knew her head was right there. I got nauseated and had to throw up. I was scared the flexing needed to vomit would make her come out. I puked and immediately felt better. The nurse came in and let me know they had paged the doctor and they began to set up the room for a delivery.

Once everything was set, she walked Patrick and me through how it worked. She pulled a mirror over and let me have two practice pushes. Emmaline's head was right there.

"Ok, maybe we better stop pushing until the doctor gets here," she said. I could tell she was surprised how easily and quickly Emmaline was coming. I knew I was! I tried to explain it later to my Mom but the right words never came. Delivering Emmaline was the weirdest experience. I felt like I had done it before. I knew exactly where and how to push. It was definitely a surreal moment. I chalk that up to God giving women an innate knowledge of how to deliver a baby. He prepares us in ways we don't even know.

Just a few moments before 8a, my doctor finally arrived. I was just sitting there holding back the urge to push and begging him in my mind to hurry up! He walked in and began to dress. "Where are my shoe coverings?" he asked the nurse. She had to go get some for him. I wanted to shout, "Are you guys really serious? I will buy you a new pair of shoes! Just get over here so I can get this baby out of me!"

She finally came back with some and we were set to go. He sat down at the base of my bed and told me to wait until the next contraction and to push with everything I had. The contraction came and I pushed with every fiber, nerve, and cell in my body and she plopped out!

At 8:01a on Saturday April 10, 2010 my girl was born.

"She's here!" I yelled.

"She's so cute!" Patrick said.

NICU had set up a station to look at her immediately since she was early. I kept asking if she was OK. She wasn't making any sounds.

"She looks great so far," they told me. I looked over at the bassinet they were examining her in and all I could see were these big beautiful eyes staring back at us. She was too busy being nosey and taking in this new world to cry!

They wrapped her up and put her in my arms. My baby! She was perfect. I didn't need any NICU nurses to tell me that. Thankfully one of the nurses reminded Patrick we had the camera and told him to take some pictures. I don't think either one of us would have remembered. He got some wonderful shots of my first moments with her. And then they took a picture of the three of us. My family!

All too soon they let me know they needed to take her to clean her up and observe her. I told Patrick I would be fine and to go with her. He brought her out and showed her to my family. I wish I could have seen their faces when they first saw her. And then she had to go into the Well Baby nursery to be checked out.

"When can I see her again?" I asked. They told me it usually took about 3 hours for NICU and a pediatrician to examine the early babies. THREE HOURS? I was crushed. But I knew it was necessary to make sure she was healthy and safe.

After three hours, I was in the recovery room waiting patiently for my bundle. When they finally wheeled her in, I thought I was just going to burst. I was beside myself at getting to see her again. She was all clean and starting to get color in her skin. She was gorgeous, just the most perfectly beautiful little girl I had ever seen. She was so alert too. I couldn't stop crying. My girl was here!

labor.

It all started on Friday April 9, 2010.

It began like any normal Friday had that whole semester. Patrick had class at 9a and, although I didn't have a class until 10a, I got up early at 7:30a and made cinnamon rolls... our Friday tradition.

Sometimes I went back to bed and slept until my physical science class. And, I'll be honest and admit that sometimes I went back to bed and slept through my physical science class. But I was a good girl and got up, dressed, and went to school. I even stayed for my next class, World Civilizations I. Go me.

Patrick and I both ended our Fridays at the same time so he met me at my last class. I had gotten out kind of early so I was just resting on a bench. I was still cramping like I had been all week. Were these the elusive Braxton-Hicks I had been waiting for? On Monday I had sat out on the couch for about an hour while I cramped up. I couldn't tell if it was a tummy ache or practice contractions. I secretly hoped they were contractions. Today was the same. Honestly, it felt like I needed to poop.

So, Patrick and I met at home and had lunch. I had been itching all day to get some work done around the apartment and had made an extensive to-do list. This included moving some furniture around the house, cleaning the bathrooms, laundry, doing some things in Emmaline's nursery, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser-ing the walls, etc. Patrick was such a good sport. He just did whatever I asked of him and he did it joyfully.

We had some errands to run around town so after we worked for a few hours and I sufficiently wore myself out, we set out to get some more things done. We went to TJMaxx and Target to look for some silver sandals to go with my dress I wanted to wear the next week to my baby shower. We went to WalMart and bought a few things we needed for dinner. Then we came home.

For dinner I cooked Steak-Um sandwiches and my homemade baked macaroni and cheese. It was good even though Patrick whined about the meat. I never alleged they were fancy, honey! ha.

By time dinner was done and cleaned up, it was getting late. On Fridays, Patrick worked at midnight until 2am so he usually liked to nap for a couple of hours late in the evening. Around 10p he went into the bedroom to attempt to nap and I went to the bathroom to attempt to shower.

I got completely undressed and got everything ready to hop into the shower. I decided to pee real quick because it never fails the second I step into the shower I have to go. After I peed, I stood up and stepped onto the towel we put at the base of the shower. I felt something warm run down my leg.

Ugh, did I really just pee on myself? This pregnancy thing is getting out of control...

Then my stomach sank. Is my water breaking, I wondered.

Half of me instantly became excited. My baby could be on her way!

The other half of me was horrified. I was only 34 weeks and 5 days.

I yelled for poor Patrick who was trying to get some shut eye. "I don't know if it is pee or what but I think my water broke." He, of course, ran into the bathroom to see me standing there naked on a towel, scared out of my mind. I wanted to call my Mom. It was late, but she thankfully answered. She talked me through it, including advising me to smell the towel and see if smelled like urine or sweet like amniotic fluid.

I smelled fabric sheets.

While I was on the phone with her, Patrick was aimlessly thumbing through my What to Expect When You're Expecting looking for that magical page that would give us the answers. He couldn't find much more information than what my Mom had just told me and what I had memorized months before.

I decided it would be wise to not shower just in case "more" came out. Patrick advised me to get dressed and come lay down in bed and relax. He went back into our room and tried once again to nap. As I went to get dressed, "more" did come out, little gushes of clear fluid.

"Patrick, it's happening again. And I know I am not peeing!"

So he came in and (this might be embarrassing to him) picked up the towel and smelled it. It was so frustrating to just smell that stupid lavender fabric sheet!

We decided we better go to the hospital, just to be sure. I had one thing to do before we left though.

I had to shave my legs.

I might not have been able to get a shower in, but if I was going to have this baby, I was going to have smooth legs!

So, Patrick let me shave my legs in the sink really quickly and we got all our bags together and called my family. Luckily, the drive to the hospital was only about 3 1/2 minutes. Patrick dropped me off at the ER entrance (protocol for after hours) so he could go park the car and I waddled to the front desk.

"Can I help you?" he asked me.

"Um, hi. I don't know if I pissed myself or if I'm having a baby," is what I was thinking but I managed to mumble out, "I think my water broke."

He directed me where to go down the hall and I told him to be on the lookout for Patrick who would be following behind me shortly.

The next few minutes were spent reuniting with Patrick, getting my paperwork pulled up, our bracelets put on, and trying to hold back the tears of nervousness as it hit me that something really could be wrong.

As the nurse came to get me with a wheelchair to take me upstairs to get checked, I began to cry. I told her I was embarrassed but I didn't know if my water had broken or if I had just peed myself. "I'm only 34 weeks and 5 days," I shakily told her.

"Oh well let's hope for the baby's sake its just pee because we really don't like to see them this early!" she told me.

Really? Did you just say that to me as I sit here in soaking underwear?

Her sentence reverberated in my head all the way up to Labor and Delivery Room 5. Once she got me in there, she told me to get undressed, put on the gown and someone would be in to check me soon. She closed the door behind her and I lost it.

I just started bawling in Patrick's chest. I had read enough to know 5 weeks is a lot of time in baby-making world. She could be very sick if she came out tonight. Patrick, as always, was 100% calm and supportive. He held me, let me cry, and told me everything would be OK.

The nurse came in and measured me. It hurt so bad. I was 3 1/2 cm!

She had brought some test strips in with her to see if my water had indeed broke. They were supposed to turn a bright blue if my water had broken.

They didn't. I was crushed.

She did one more test to be sure but this one had to be sent to the lab and would take a few minutes. She measured again and said she really felt like my water had broke.

Ten minutes later she was hooking me up to an IV and starting Pitocin. Turns out, my water had broken, and Emmaline was coming.

I kept asking, "Is she going to be OK? What's going to happen?" But of course no one could answer any of those questions. We wouldn't know what the situation would be until she got here.

We called my Mom and let her know that YES, I was indeed in labor. She and my sisters were on their way.

And so was my baby!

..to be continued...

cuatro.

So it's been a few days since I've updated. Sue me.

Actually don't. Well, you can if you want but you wouldn't win anything. Dirty laundry maybe?

We have been at Nana's house for a few days so Patrick can put a new roof up on their house. He is so handy. Seriously. And such a hard worker. Emmaline and I are lucky to have him.

In the few days we've been here, I can already see how much Emmaline has changed. It's borderline ridiculous how much she changes in a day. I mean, it's to the point where I can notice her changing from the night before. Crazy.

Her head is getting bigger. Her thighs are filling out (new folds!). She holds her head up perfectly. She is recognizing that being placed in her bouncer = more time until she is fed because Mommy still has to go make the bottle. And this very much makes her an angry baby. And more and more, I see that she is understanding what's going on around her.

Yesterday as I was sitting in Papa Mark's big recliner rocking the baby, she just stared at me. And I mean, she is a nosey little thing. She has been staring at us since she was born. But this was different. It was like she was actually taking in my face. She was following the frame of my face, looking at all the pieces, grasping that this is Mommy. This belongs to her.

Then she reached up and grabbed my chin. I don't know what makes me believe this, because it's not like this is the first time she's touched me. But I just know she was making the connection between what she was seeing and what she was feeling. She rubbed my lips, touched my nose and I proceeded to melt.

Emmaline is four months old today and at the risk of sounding like a big cliched doofus, I can't grasp that. She has been with us 122 days. But of course, I can't remember a moment in my life before she was here. I think being a Mommy means your children were always a part of you.

scary.

Today ended up being a good day that started out terrible.

Patrick had to work this morning at 3am. Blah. I always miss him when he has to go in at such yucky hours. Well, I always miss him when he's gone but I especially miss him at those times. I remember him kissing me goodbye around 2:30a. The next thing I know, Emmaline is starting to cry over her monitor. Usually, she fusses for a second and kinda rolls around and I can go put some breast milk into a container of hot water to heat up for her bottle (so it's ready once we're done changing her diaper) and then go in and get her. Well, this morning she cried out for a second and then started screaming. I ran into her room and turned on the light and looked into her crib and couldn't see her... she had slid herself into her swaddled up blanket and her face was completely covered. I grabbed at any part of the blanket I could get and just ripped it open until I got to her. The poor thing was all red and so, so upset. I just held her and calmed her down. I was so shaken up. I know it probably doesn't sound like a big deal to most people but it scared me so bad. What if she hadn't been able to cry out for me? What if I hadn't heard her? I am so proud of her for being able to alert me. I shudder to think what could have happened.

Of course, I didn't want to stop holding her today because I was just scared about this morning. Luckily, she wasn't at all tired after her feeding so we just played all morning. She loves, loves, loves her bouncer now. She just sits there and bats at and grabs her toy chain hanging down from it. I also sat her in my lap and we watched Elmo and Zoey on some Sesame Street videos online. She seemed to like it; it held her attention for quite a few minutes. She's getting to be such a big girl.

We did manage to get a 3-hour nap in though today! It was great... except I kept dreaming she was drowning. I am sure it was just from this morning's incident but when I woke up from my nap, I felt horrible. There's nothing relaxing or satisfying about waking up from a nap where you repeatedly dreamed your baby has a horrible accident.

After our nap, Patrick and I took Emmaline down to the library and we got new library cards. You know you're a nerd when that's the most exciting thing you do all day, ha! We checked out some books (even rented a Sesame Street DVD for Emmaline!) and then walked around the square downtown for a while. When we came home, I sat and played with Emmaline for a while. She is so much fun now. I mean, she's always been so sweet and special... but she just kind of sat there and cried. Now, she is starting to cry less and less and is actually content just sitting places. It's wonderful. I can sit her down and talk to her and play with her but when I need to go to the bathroom or get a drink, I know she will be OK to entertain herself for a minute or two. I am so proud of her. She is so smart and so sweet. This is definitely the point I was kind of waiting for... Every day she learns to do something new or shows us some new trick of hers. I can't believe how exciting it is to watch her grow and see the curiosity in her eyes and the joy she gets when she discovers something.

Right now Pookie is fast asleep in her crib which she has consistently been doing for a couple of weeks now. Every week or so she goes a little longer before waking up for her next feeding. Last night she went 9 1/2 hours before she woke up for her bottle. It's really, really great.

I love my little girl more than anything in the world but that doesn't mean I don't wanna get some shut eye every now and then :)

My sweet girl enjoying her bouncer!

rolling.

I took this photo literally as Pookie was rolling over for the very first time. I was so shocked she did it that it scared me! I wasn't expecting it from her. She's done it two more times since then but Patrick was gone for every single one of those so he hasn't seen her do it yet. I hope she does it again soon!