Where I would Like to be in 10 Years
Hmm. Graduated? That would be nice. Hopefully that will have happened and I will be working, successfully and happily, as a high school history teacher somewhere here in Tennessee. Maybe Williamson County? Hey, a girl can dream, right?
I will be the Mommy of a 10-year old Emmaline (WHAT?!) which absolutely blows my mind. I wonder what kind of little girl she is going to be. I can't wait to discover her little personality - all her likes, dislikes, fears, dreams... And we will hopefully have more children by then, too. And maybe we will finally get a little boy on the Womac side!
I hope that Patrick has gotten his law degree (if that's still what he wants to do by then) and he is working, successfully and happily, in some law firm. I hope he's making enough money that we don't have to worry and stress about money but not so much that it becomes too important.
I hope we have a house. I want Emmaline and any future Womac babies to have a yard and a swing set and sidewalks to ride their bikes. I want them to have their own little rooms that we decorate together.
I hope we are a happy family. I hope we are busy (ballet, soccer, homework, church, t-ball, piano, etc!) but organized. I hope we laugh a lot and love even more. I hope we always make time to play with our babies. I hope Patrick and I still have our date nights and hold hands.
I hope I am better at sewing and that my kids let me do crafts with them. I hope they won't be embarrassed if Mom wants to make their Halloween costumes because I really can't see myself forking over $35 for a cheap nylon costume that will only be used one night.
I hope we are active and involved in a church. I hope they have something for all of us - a good child's department, nursery, and adult Bible study classes. Maybe they will even have little activities we can bring the kids to like movie or park outings. I so look forward to my babies coming home with their glittery messes that they made for us in Sunday School.
But more than anything else, I hope we are a family still. I hope that I have done the best I can to raise good, honest, happy children. I hope that I have done everything I can to be faithful to Patrick and serve him as a wife as best I can. I just hope there is a lot of laughing and cuddling because I could never get tired of that.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
day 1
Current Relationship
Wow, what a way to start this off. This might the hardest one for me to write because I just don't even know where to start. Maybe the beginning?
Mamma always told me that I would find the perfect guy when I was least expecting it. I think most parents say something along those lines as some point. Well, as it often goes, she was right. When I started MTSU in the Spring semester of 2009, the last thing on my mind was boys. I had pretty recently gotten out of a relationship which was not only dramatic and wore me out, but it was also violent. And it's embarrassing and heart-breaking to admit but true. He also cheated on me. But I didn't realize that part until he got married 2 months after we broke up.
After that ended and I moved back to TN, I spent the whole month of December reflecting on my life. There were things about myself I was really proud of. I had moved to GA, gotten a really great job, made great money and had my own place. I paid all my own bills and was taking care of myself almost completely. But there were way more things that were hurting me, haunting me, stressing me out. I was embarrassed and mad at myself that I never finished college. I was mad I had spent so much time away from my sisters. I was horrified at what I had let happen between me and my ex-boyfriend. How did things get so bad? How did I get to a point where I let another person treat me like that?
I thank (THANK!) my parents for everything they had to do to get me into school that January. We had mere weeks to get money, applications, transcripts, phone calls, visits, etc (!!!) done to make sure I had classes I could take. And, to make things even more difficult, it was the holiday so a lot of things got put on hold simply because offices were closed. Eventually everything worked out and I was living on campus and ready to finish up this whole college thing. I was so excited to put the last two years behind me and concentrate on ME and getting my degree. I pep talked to myself extensively those first few weeks. I was going to dive into schoolwork 100% and I wasn't even going to think about boys. It honestly wasn't that hard because I was burnt out on love. I remember getting dressed that first day of classes and thinking that I honestly felt pretty for me - not for any boy.
Enter fate.
My first class on my first day of my first semester at MTSU was American Government. I got there early and I tried really hard to make friends with the people around me. (That was something I regretted about Belmont - that I never really tried hard to get to know many people.) There were some nice people and a couple quiet people. There was one weird kid who kept talking about anarchy and I made a note to not sit near him. I went in and picked out my seat and got ready to learn. And we had class. And that was it.
And I went to class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
After a week or two, I noticed this boy who sat in front of me. He wasn't hard to miss. He had really long, curly hair and I wasn't exactly sure what style he was going for. It was odd though that he had such bad hair because he always dressed really nicely for class. That stood out to me because it was an early morning class (9:10a) and most people didn't even show up at all more or less show up in button down shirts and loafers. He didn't look nerdy - just nice. He sat in front of me and over one seat and he was constantly turning around to talk to me before class started. It was usually something stupid. Like, really stupid. I could tell he thought he was funny but it wasn't and it make me feel really awkward. But he was nice.
Lo and behold, I get a friend invite on fbook. I didn't know who it was. "Patrick Adam Womac"? I clicked on the name and the profile picture was a blown up cell phone picture (ie. highly pixelated) of some dark skinned boy standing next to a life-size lobster. What the heck? Then is dawned on me that it was the goofy boy in American Gov. "Great," I thought. "He knows my name."
So, naturally I went snooping. I found a "Note" he had written on there called "25 things" and you just had to write 25 facts about yourself. His number 7 was "I once fell through a roof and came away unscafed." I thought this was so funny so I commented on how he probably meant "unscathed" since "unscafed" is not a word. But there was something about his list that caught my eye. Maybe it was his number 25? "If gentlemen prefer blondes then I can never be a gentleman because I like brunettes best."
Anyway, he eventually fbook chatted me and we talked for a few minutes. The chat ended with him listing the 10 hottest actresses he knows. haha, I know, so endearing. Like I really wanted to hear all of that? But when he got done, he said something charming about them all having dark skin, light eyes, and brown hair and that's what he likes best. He was laying it on pretty thick. Eeek! I had to run away! NO boys, remember?
So, obviously, I invited him over to watch a movie. Haha, and he basically hasn't left since.
I don't know how this works so well or why I could have ever been so lucky. I don't know why things have succeeded amazingly well when EVERYTHING screamed, "This is a disaster waiting to happen! Leave! Run!" such as:
- He was only 19 and I was 23. Um... talk about an age gap. But not only that, a life experience gap. There were so many things I had done in life (get a job, have bank account, live on my own, vote, file my own taxes etc) that he had never done before.
- He had never had a girlfriend before. Not only was I trying to avoid boys but if I was going to make an exception, did I want to do it for someone who had NO idea what they were doing?
- I wasn't looking for a boyfriend! Not only that, I was purposely avoiding boys altogether!
But the thing about it was, we spent every waking moment together we could and most sleeping moments too. We did everything together and I never got tired of him. I never needed a break. I missed him like crazy when he had to go do other things. It wasn't an obsession thing.I got along just fine when he wasn't there. It was just that I 100% preferred that he was. And slowly, before I knew what had even happened, I fell in love with him. And he fell in love with me too.
Seeing him now, I can't imagine that I ever was alive and not his partner. I don't care if this makes me look anti-feminist or desperate or clingy or cliche... He is my other half. He makes me whole. He is my best friend before anything else and my lover right on top of that. We agree on our outlook on life: religion, family, politics, money. We have our differences in beliefs and personality but they complement each other (not compete with each other!). Being an adult and being in a relationship is never "easy" but I can honestly say that loving Patrick is never hard. I have never been in a relationship where I didn't have to fight for attention or love. We don't have to play mind or jealousy games. I don't pout when he can't read my mind and he doesn't ditch me to go hang with his buddies. We genuinely want to be with each other.
I don't know how to explain it but I know how being with him makes me feel. I feel secure, loved, taken care of, peaceful, calm, and relaxed. I'm happy. Anyone who has known me for a while knows how I can be at times. I am uptight. I am anal-retentive. I am bossy. I get stressed out easily. I get my feelings hurt easily. I am not confident. I am stubborn. Patrick has made all of those things unnecessary. I still want the house perfect but he actually helps me clean so it's not a burden on me. I am still bossy but he has helped show me that he is the man of the house and big decisions are ultimately his (because he will always make them with me and Emmaline's best interests in mind!). I am still stubborn but he is so patient and understanding. I still get stressed out but he is one of the most calming people I know. All of those things have slowly faded since being with him.
Probably the thing I love most about Patrick is how good of a Dad he is. He is amazing. He loves me and Emmaline with everything he has. He plays with her, he bathes her, he feeds her, he dresses her... everything! The first thing he said when she was born was "She's so cute!" and that absolutely melted me. When she was little, he got up with her in the middle of nights with me. If he goes somewhere, he wants me and Em to go with him. He doesn't look at her as dragging him down or keeping him from doing anything. He's crazy about her. And she loves him so much.
I know we didn't do things in necessarily the "right" order and I do wish we had so I could be a better example to my sisters and Emmaline one day. But, we are the lucky ones. We love each other, truly. We love Emmaline. We have wonderful families who support our relationship and love our daughter. And we are getting married in February! I cannot wait to call Patrick my husband. I get butterflies just imagining saying it! I don't know why God decided I was good enough to get Patrick but He gave him to me anyway and I promise to always take care of this special gift.
Wow, what a way to start this off. This might the hardest one for me to write because I just don't even know where to start. Maybe the beginning?
Mamma always told me that I would find the perfect guy when I was least expecting it. I think most parents say something along those lines as some point. Well, as it often goes, she was right. When I started MTSU in the Spring semester of 2009, the last thing on my mind was boys. I had pretty recently gotten out of a relationship which was not only dramatic and wore me out, but it was also violent. And it's embarrassing and heart-breaking to admit but true. He also cheated on me. But I didn't realize that part until he got married 2 months after we broke up.
After that ended and I moved back to TN, I spent the whole month of December reflecting on my life. There were things about myself I was really proud of. I had moved to GA, gotten a really great job, made great money and had my own place. I paid all my own bills and was taking care of myself almost completely. But there were way more things that were hurting me, haunting me, stressing me out. I was embarrassed and mad at myself that I never finished college. I was mad I had spent so much time away from my sisters. I was horrified at what I had let happen between me and my ex-boyfriend. How did things get so bad? How did I get to a point where I let another person treat me like that?
I thank (THANK!) my parents for everything they had to do to get me into school that January. We had mere weeks to get money, applications, transcripts, phone calls, visits, etc (!!!) done to make sure I had classes I could take. And, to make things even more difficult, it was the holiday so a lot of things got put on hold simply because offices were closed. Eventually everything worked out and I was living on campus and ready to finish up this whole college thing. I was so excited to put the last two years behind me and concentrate on ME and getting my degree. I pep talked to myself extensively those first few weeks. I was going to dive into schoolwork 100% and I wasn't even going to think about boys. It honestly wasn't that hard because I was burnt out on love. I remember getting dressed that first day of classes and thinking that I honestly felt pretty for me - not for any boy.
Enter fate.
My first class on my first day of my first semester at MTSU was American Government. I got there early and I tried really hard to make friends with the people around me. (That was something I regretted about Belmont - that I never really tried hard to get to know many people.) There were some nice people and a couple quiet people. There was one weird kid who kept talking about anarchy and I made a note to not sit near him. I went in and picked out my seat and got ready to learn. And we had class. And that was it.
And I went to class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
After a week or two, I noticed this boy who sat in front of me. He wasn't hard to miss. He had really long, curly hair and I wasn't exactly sure what style he was going for. It was odd though that he had such bad hair because he always dressed really nicely for class. That stood out to me because it was an early morning class (9:10a) and most people didn't even show up at all more or less show up in button down shirts and loafers. He didn't look nerdy - just nice. He sat in front of me and over one seat and he was constantly turning around to talk to me before class started. It was usually something stupid. Like, really stupid. I could tell he thought he was funny but it wasn't and it make me feel really awkward. But he was nice.
Lo and behold, I get a friend invite on fbook. I didn't know who it was. "Patrick Adam Womac"? I clicked on the name and the profile picture was a blown up cell phone picture (ie. highly pixelated) of some dark skinned boy standing next to a life-size lobster. What the heck? Then is dawned on me that it was the goofy boy in American Gov. "Great," I thought. "He knows my name."
So, naturally I went snooping. I found a "Note" he had written on there called "25 things" and you just had to write 25 facts about yourself. His number 7 was "I once fell through a roof and came away unscafed." I thought this was so funny so I commented on how he probably meant "unscathed" since "unscafed" is not a word. But there was something about his list that caught my eye. Maybe it was his number 25? "If gentlemen prefer blondes then I can never be a gentleman because I like brunettes best."
Anyway, he eventually fbook chatted me and we talked for a few minutes. The chat ended with him listing the 10 hottest actresses he knows. haha, I know, so endearing. Like I really wanted to hear all of that? But when he got done, he said something charming about them all having dark skin, light eyes, and brown hair and that's what he likes best. He was laying it on pretty thick. Eeek! I had to run away! NO boys, remember?
So, obviously, I invited him over to watch a movie. Haha, and he basically hasn't left since.
I don't know how this works so well or why I could have ever been so lucky. I don't know why things have succeeded amazingly well when EVERYTHING screamed, "This is a disaster waiting to happen! Leave! Run!" such as:
- He was only 19 and I was 23. Um... talk about an age gap. But not only that, a life experience gap. There were so many things I had done in life (get a job, have bank account, live on my own, vote, file my own taxes etc) that he had never done before.
- He had never had a girlfriend before. Not only was I trying to avoid boys but if I was going to make an exception, did I want to do it for someone who had NO idea what they were doing?
- I wasn't looking for a boyfriend! Not only that, I was purposely avoiding boys altogether!
But the thing about it was, we spent every waking moment together we could and most sleeping moments too. We did everything together and I never got tired of him. I never needed a break. I missed him like crazy when he had to go do other things. It wasn't an obsession thing.I got along just fine when he wasn't there. It was just that I 100% preferred that he was. And slowly, before I knew what had even happened, I fell in love with him. And he fell in love with me too.
Seeing him now, I can't imagine that I ever was alive and not his partner. I don't care if this makes me look anti-feminist or desperate or clingy or cliche... He is my other half. He makes me whole. He is my best friend before anything else and my lover right on top of that. We agree on our outlook on life: religion, family, politics, money. We have our differences in beliefs and personality but they complement each other (not compete with each other!). Being an adult and being in a relationship is never "easy" but I can honestly say that loving Patrick is never hard. I have never been in a relationship where I didn't have to fight for attention or love. We don't have to play mind or jealousy games. I don't pout when he can't read my mind and he doesn't ditch me to go hang with his buddies. We genuinely want to be with each other.
I don't know how to explain it but I know how being with him makes me feel. I feel secure, loved, taken care of, peaceful, calm, and relaxed. I'm happy. Anyone who has known me for a while knows how I can be at times. I am uptight. I am anal-retentive. I am bossy. I get stressed out easily. I get my feelings hurt easily. I am not confident. I am stubborn. Patrick has made all of those things unnecessary. I still want the house perfect but he actually helps me clean so it's not a burden on me. I am still bossy but he has helped show me that he is the man of the house and big decisions are ultimately his (because he will always make them with me and Emmaline's best interests in mind!). I am still stubborn but he is so patient and understanding. I still get stressed out but he is one of the most calming people I know. All of those things have slowly faded since being with him.
Probably the thing I love most about Patrick is how good of a Dad he is. He is amazing. He loves me and Emmaline with everything he has. He plays with her, he bathes her, he feeds her, he dresses her... everything! The first thing he said when she was born was "She's so cute!" and that absolutely melted me. When she was little, he got up with her in the middle of nights with me. If he goes somewhere, he wants me and Em to go with him. He doesn't look at her as dragging him down or keeping him from doing anything. He's crazy about her. And she loves him so much.
I know we didn't do things in necessarily the "right" order and I do wish we had so I could be a better example to my sisters and Emmaline one day. But, we are the lucky ones. We love each other, truly. We love Emmaline. We have wonderful families who support our relationship and love our daughter. And we are getting married in February! I cannot wait to call Patrick my husband. I get butterflies just imagining saying it! I don't know why God decided I was good enough to get Patrick but He gave him to me anyway and I promise to always take care of this special gift.
challenge.
I saw this on my good friend's tumblr site and I thought it looked fun to do. If nothing else, it would encourage me to get on here and write more often.
30-Day Challenge
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite bogs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month
30-Day Challenge
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite bogs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
distractions.
Is it any wonder I find it dang near impossible to get homework done when she's awake? How could anyone expect me to concentrate on Constitutional Nationalism in Berlin when this ball of cuteness and noise is vying for my attention?
She's the cutest distraction I ever did meet...
She's the cutest distraction I ever did meet...
Friday, October 8, 2010
uncle aaron.
Emmaline loves her Uncle Aaron :) Forevs.
Here she is reppin' for his former learning institution.
And here she is playing with Big Blue Bear that Uncle Aaron and Elise got her. She LOVES him!!
Here she is reppin' for his former learning institution.
And here she is playing with Big Blue Bear that Uncle Aaron and Elise got her. She LOVES him!!
big.
My baby is growing and it's... good, I guess. Good in that she is learning and developing and becoming a smart little girl. But bad because it makes me a little sad to know my little baby is fading.
We took Emmaline to the park because I've been dying to get her into a swing. Patrick really dragged his feet about the whole thing because he (and I quote) "doesn't like parks." Who doesn't like parks? haha. Anyway, I talked him into it and we ended up having a really great time. The park is on the site of an old Union fort from the Civil War so in addition to the playground (and lots of other nice amenities, I might add) they have some awesome trails through the woods with signs and artifacts from the war. Um, yes! Patrick and I took Em in her stroller for a long, brisk walk and it was so much fun. Sweet baby even fell asleep during her ride.
Anyway, I got some video of Em in her first swing ride! She wasn't so sure at first but then she kinda warmed up to it.
We took Emmaline to the park because I've been dying to get her into a swing. Patrick really dragged his feet about the whole thing because he (and I quote) "doesn't like parks." Who doesn't like parks? haha. Anyway, I talked him into it and we ended up having a really great time. The park is on the site of an old Union fort from the Civil War so in addition to the playground (and lots of other nice amenities, I might add) they have some awesome trails through the woods with signs and artifacts from the war. Um, yes! Patrick and I took Em in her stroller for a long, brisk walk and it was so much fun. Sweet baby even fell asleep during her ride.
Anyway, I got some video of Em in her first swing ride! She wasn't so sure at first but then she kinda warmed up to it.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
yeck.
What.a.day.
I have no idea what the deal was but Emmaline was NOT a happy camper today.
Happy Camper ≠ Emmaline
She has never whined so much, spit up so much, fought sleep so hard, or been so moody. Off day? Maybe. Difficult? Definitely.
It's so hard when they can't tell you what's wrong or bothering them but the more time I spend with her, the better I am able to know what's wrong. I know it was a mixture of impending teefers and several missed naps. But that sure didn't make dealing with her any easier! Poor baby. I tried and tried and just couldn't pacify her. Guess Mommy lovings weren't enough today.
Other than Em practicing her moody, dramatic 'tude for her teen years, the day was pretty good. I got to have lunch with two of my favorite girls, Jane and Mere. I got some errands done. And then my brother (!!) came over with his girlfriend (!!) to hang out and have dinner. It was such a nice treat because with each of them in school full-time in other cities, we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I felt bad Em wasn't herself today because she really is a lot of fun. She loves to play with her toys and talk and get kisses. But all she really did today when they were here was cry and puke up milkies and squash...
Well, homework calls. Yells, actually. And although I don't want to answer, I must.
I have no idea what the deal was but Emmaline was NOT a happy camper today.
Happy Camper ≠ Emmaline
She has never whined so much, spit up so much, fought sleep so hard, or been so moody. Off day? Maybe. Difficult? Definitely.
It's so hard when they can't tell you what's wrong or bothering them but the more time I spend with her, the better I am able to know what's wrong. I know it was a mixture of impending teefers and several missed naps. But that sure didn't make dealing with her any easier! Poor baby. I tried and tried and just couldn't pacify her. Guess Mommy lovings weren't enough today.
Other than Em practicing her moody, dramatic 'tude for her teen years, the day was pretty good. I got to have lunch with two of my favorite girls, Jane and Mere. I got some errands done. And then my brother (!!) came over with his girlfriend (!!) to hang out and have dinner. It was such a nice treat because with each of them in school full-time in other cities, we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I felt bad Em wasn't herself today because she really is a lot of fun. She loves to play with her toys and talk and get kisses. But all she really did today when they were here was cry and puke up milkies and squash...
Well, homework calls. Yells, actually. And although I don't want to answer, I must.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
life.
I know this is much, much heavier than any post I have ever written. But for some reason, I just feel compelled to write about this. It's something that is currently bothering me, has bothered me for some time, and writing generally has a way of sorting my feelings out for me and helping me feel a little better when I'm upset.
I am currently in a Women and the Law class which, unbeknownst to me when I signed up for it, is really a lot like a feminist class. It's ok though because it is my first political science class that has really dealt with specific laws, cases, and rulings. I like being presented a case, real or fictional, and deciding what the Supreme Court did or should have decided. It's fun to me to try and figure out what parts of a case are important and how to best apply a law.
Sometimes, though, it can get annoying when the ardent feminists in the class spout off about how some situation is "evidence of a patriarchal society" or how men won't be happy until we're all pregnant, uneducated and stuck at home, or some other nonsense. I do get where they are coming from. I mean, women were the last group of people in America to be given citizenship status and the right to vote. Think about it; black people, who at one point weren't even considered human but rather property, were given the right to vote a full 60 years before women. The Supreme Court of the United States actually had rulings that stated blacks could not be considered "free" if they had lived in a free state and then moved to a slave state because they were property and property could not have rights! Seriously! And they were eventually given many rights before women. So, yes, I do think women have been greatly disenfranchised throughout our history. But I am also the type of woman who is not unhappy about staying home and keeping a house while my husband provides for us. This doesn't bother me. I'm not against my chair being pulled out or the door being held open for me.
To each their own. Feminism, to me, is having the right and ability to choose what works best for you as a woman.
Anyway, I promise I am getting to my point...
I am tired of being pulled into a movement I do not stand for. I am tired of being spoken for when I have my own voice and my own opinion on the matter. I am talking about abortion and how this, somehow, has been twisted in a "women's rights" issue. I know that if someone is pro-choice, there is very little, if anything, I could say to change their mind or sway their opinion. I wish I could say I didn't care but that just isn't so. I deeply, deeply wish I could find a way to change people's hearts and get them to understand the issue the way I do. It is to a point where I feel physical pain thinking about this cause. It literally hurts me. I think the worst part about the whole thing is each side so passionately believes that he is right and correct. It is damn near impossible for me to even try and get my mind to attempt to rationalize abortion. Sometimes the best way to speak to someone is to imagine yourself as them - get into their frame of mind. I just literally cannot even try to understand how a person could be ok with abortion. I can't understand. It's like when you try to imagine what could motivate someone to molest a child or commit cannibalism; it is so far removed from anything I feel, think, or believe that I cannot switch gears.
I know essentially the issue at hand is whether one believes life begins at conception, birth, or somewhere in between. If this could be established, it would not matter what type of rights a woman believes she has because we could say, "Sorry, too bad. It's a human already." Women's rights would be null, void, inconsequential. But for some reason, with all the technology, brain power, reason, and understanding we have, we cannot come up with a definition for life that we all agree on. Laughable. This is, again, where I struggle to even comprehend my opponents' views. I have always considered life as originating at conception. This was only further validated upon becoming pregnant and successfully carrying and delivering a beautiful baby girl. I was not but 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant when I first saw my baby on a scan (of which 2 weeks the embryo was not even present in the womb yet; the intricacies of calculating a pregnancy). So, my baby had been in my womb for a mere (and approximate) 4 weeks and 5 days. I saw her heartbeat. Can you grasp that? I saw her (a human!) heart (a vital organ for living!) beat (it's working and functioning!).
There are different types of abortions that can be performed. One such type is called an aspiration. It can be performed up until week 16 of the pregnancy. I had an ultrasound scan in week 16 of my pregnancy performed by my best friend. I was lucky, because without her scanning me, I would have had to have waited another month to find out the sex of my baby. During my hour and a half scan, my best friend spent the entire time analyzing every part of my baby you could think of. We counted her toes and her fingers. We followed the arteries in her heart and looked at her spinal cord and where it met the brain. She looked at openings in the baby's brain and whether there was liquid in the bladder. And when I went home that night, Patrick and I felt our sweet baby girl move. If I had wanted to, for any reason (or no reason at all) I could have ended it right then... all in the name of "women's' rights."
My baby, by the way, is a girl. Should I have decided on abortion, what does this say about her rights as a future woman?
I sincerely do not want to offend anyone and I certainly don't want to argue with anyone. I am not so shallow as to think most women go into this decision flippantly and without pain (though too many do). I guess my heart is just torn at what this means for me. I chose to have my baby. But what about all the other children out there who weren't so lucky to have a Mom who could, or would, choose to give birth to them? What can I do to change this? How can I help? How can I make a difference? How can I appease and pacify the hurt this causes to so many people?
I am currently in a Women and the Law class which, unbeknownst to me when I signed up for it, is really a lot like a feminist class. It's ok though because it is my first political science class that has really dealt with specific laws, cases, and rulings. I like being presented a case, real or fictional, and deciding what the Supreme Court did or should have decided. It's fun to me to try and figure out what parts of a case are important and how to best apply a law.
Sometimes, though, it can get annoying when the ardent feminists in the class spout off about how some situation is "evidence of a patriarchal society" or how men won't be happy until we're all pregnant, uneducated and stuck at home, or some other nonsense. I do get where they are coming from. I mean, women were the last group of people in America to be given citizenship status and the right to vote. Think about it; black people, who at one point weren't even considered human but rather property, were given the right to vote a full 60 years before women. The Supreme Court of the United States actually had rulings that stated blacks could not be considered "free" if they had lived in a free state and then moved to a slave state because they were property and property could not have rights! Seriously! And they were eventually given many rights before women. So, yes, I do think women have been greatly disenfranchised throughout our history. But I am also the type of woman who is not unhappy about staying home and keeping a house while my husband provides for us. This doesn't bother me. I'm not against my chair being pulled out or the door being held open for me.
To each their own. Feminism, to me, is having the right and ability to choose what works best for you as a woman.
Anyway, I promise I am getting to my point...
I am tired of being pulled into a movement I do not stand for. I am tired of being spoken for when I have my own voice and my own opinion on the matter. I am talking about abortion and how this, somehow, has been twisted in a "women's rights" issue. I know that if someone is pro-choice, there is very little, if anything, I could say to change their mind or sway their opinion. I wish I could say I didn't care but that just isn't so. I deeply, deeply wish I could find a way to change people's hearts and get them to understand the issue the way I do. It is to a point where I feel physical pain thinking about this cause. It literally hurts me. I think the worst part about the whole thing is each side so passionately believes that he is right and correct. It is damn near impossible for me to even try and get my mind to attempt to rationalize abortion. Sometimes the best way to speak to someone is to imagine yourself as them - get into their frame of mind. I just literally cannot even try to understand how a person could be ok with abortion. I can't understand. It's like when you try to imagine what could motivate someone to molest a child or commit cannibalism; it is so far removed from anything I feel, think, or believe that I cannot switch gears.
I know essentially the issue at hand is whether one believes life begins at conception, birth, or somewhere in between. If this could be established, it would not matter what type of rights a woman believes she has because we could say, "Sorry, too bad. It's a human already." Women's rights would be null, void, inconsequential. But for some reason, with all the technology, brain power, reason, and understanding we have, we cannot come up with a definition for life that we all agree on. Laughable. This is, again, where I struggle to even comprehend my opponents' views. I have always considered life as originating at conception. This was only further validated upon becoming pregnant and successfully carrying and delivering a beautiful baby girl. I was not but 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant when I first saw my baby on a scan (of which 2 weeks the embryo was not even present in the womb yet; the intricacies of calculating a pregnancy). So, my baby had been in my womb for a mere (and approximate) 4 weeks and 5 days. I saw her heartbeat. Can you grasp that? I saw her (a human!) heart (a vital organ for living!) beat (it's working and functioning!).
There are different types of abortions that can be performed. One such type is called an aspiration. It can be performed up until week 16 of the pregnancy. I had an ultrasound scan in week 16 of my pregnancy performed by my best friend. I was lucky, because without her scanning me, I would have had to have waited another month to find out the sex of my baby. During my hour and a half scan, my best friend spent the entire time analyzing every part of my baby you could think of. We counted her toes and her fingers. We followed the arteries in her heart and looked at her spinal cord and where it met the brain. She looked at openings in the baby's brain and whether there was liquid in the bladder. And when I went home that night, Patrick and I felt our sweet baby girl move. If I had wanted to, for any reason (or no reason at all) I could have ended it right then... all in the name of "women's' rights."
My baby, by the way, is a girl. Should I have decided on abortion, what does this say about her rights as a future woman?
I sincerely do not want to offend anyone and I certainly don't want to argue with anyone. I am not so shallow as to think most women go into this decision flippantly and without pain (though too many do). I guess my heart is just torn at what this means for me. I chose to have my baby. But what about all the other children out there who weren't so lucky to have a Mom who could, or would, choose to give birth to them? What can I do to change this? How can I help? How can I make a difference? How can I appease and pacify the hurt this causes to so many people?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)